Ich halte es in meiner wohnung nicht mehr aus. Ich muss hier raus. Gerade stürzt alles um mich herum ein, ich bekomme keinen bezug zur realität, fühle mich gefangen zwischen den welten. Bin nicht in der welt in der ich gerne wäre, mit Dod an meiner seite, bin nicht in der realität in der ich ab und zu mal sein müsste. Ich fühle mich unnütz, fett, schlampig, dreckig, unwürdig. Ich will hier raus. Nichts kann ich richtig. Doch, den ganzen tag vor dem rechner vergammeln, das kann ich. Lesen, das kann icha uch. Jedes mal wenn ich meine wohnung sehe verkrieche ich mich wieder vor dem rechner. Ich packe es nicht mich aufzuraffen. Ich habe das verlangen, mit Dod zu reden, aber der hat gerade besuch, ich will ihm auch nicht auf die nerven fallen. Wie soll das nur werden wenn ich ihn ne woche nicht sehe? Andererseits ist in meinem herzen an der stelle wo es immer dieses besondere gefühl für ihn gibt gerade nichts. Das verwirrt mich. Das macht mir angst. Angst, dass ich ihm nicht das geben kann was er verdient.
Noch ein grund warum ich ihn gerne wiedersehen würde. Wenn er bei mir ist ist dieses gefühl wieder da.
Nichtmal schreiben was in mir vorgeht kann ich gerade. Ich hasse mich. Mal mehr mal weniger, heute jetzt gerade in diesen sekunden mehr. Mag nimmer. Werde jetzt aufstehen und meine übelkeit überwinden die mich befällt wenn ich in die küche gehe und werde erst die ratten und danach den rest der küche sauber machen. So ist das ekelig. So tue ich wenigstens etwas. Auch wenn ich lieber hier vor dem rechner versauern würde. Ertirnken in selbstmitleid. Ich will weg. Raus aus meinem leben, nur die wenigen dinge mitnehmen, die mir wirklich wichtig sind.

2 Gedanken zu „

  1. Hot News From The Automotive Lending Industry!!

    +++++++++Current Profile+++++++++
    InterFinancial Holdings, Corp (IFLH)
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    All statements made are our express opinion only and should be treated as such. We may own,
    take position and sell any securities mentioned at any time. Any statements that express or
    involve discussions with respect to predictions, goals, expectations, beliefs, plans,
    projections, objectives, assumptions or future events or performance are not statements of
    historical fact and may be „forward looking statements.“ Forward looking statements are based
    on expectations, estimates and projections at the time the statements are made that involve a
    number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results or events to differ materially
    from those presently anticipated. This newsletter was paid four thousand dollars from a party
    (IR Marketing). Forward looking statements in this action may be identified through the use of
    words such as: „projects“, „foresee“, „expects“. in compliance with Section 17(.b), we disclose
    the holding of IF LH shares prior to the publication of this report. Be aware of an inherent
    conflict of interest resulting from such holdings due to our intent to profit from the liquidation
    of these shares. Shares may be sold at any time, even after positive statements have been made
    regarding the above company. Since we own shares, there is an inherent conflict of interest in
    our statements and opinions. Readers of this publication are cautioned not to place undue reliance
    on forward-looking statements, which are based on certain assumptions and expectations involving
    various risks and uncertainties that could cause results to differ materially from those set forth
    in the forward- looking statements. This is not solicitation to buy or sell stocks, this text is
    for informational purpose only and you should seek professional advice from registered financial
    advisor before you do anything related with buying or selling stocks, penny stocks are very high
    risk and you can lose your entire investment.

  2. Ich hoffe, dir geht es inzwischen wieder besser? Ich kenne diese Phasen auch, sie sind wirklich ekelhaft. Ich drück dich ganz fest 🙂


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